Catastrophe

I've embarked in an inconceivable, disasturous turn in my life. I made this decision only recently, but I its already starting to take a toll. I can see the signs. The spiral downward that's slowly occurring to me. But, I think I need it. I think I need to let my life spiral out of control a little bit to really come to a true conclusion about the true nature of my character. I know who I want to be, but I've never been anyone else. Honestly, I think I need to change something and drastically hit rock bottom before I can work up. I went about this entire journey somewhat only half way.

I started in between; a sort of halfway point. I totally bypassed the first half of the journey because I was under the false impression that I was already at the middle point. Mistaken. I need this revival, this lower level of being. I need to beneath me if I ever want to be above me. I need to be worse off before I can get better.

In doing this, I have discovered so much more about myself. So even though this choice brings immense heartbreak and pain, it actually does build character. It makes me more sure of the person I am and, more importantly, who want to be. Being someone so completely different, so completely foreign has taught me the opposite of my identity. But I have to see it through. It'll hurt like hell, but I'll come out stronger on the other side.