One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

There are two types of little boys in this world. There’s the one who spills hot chocolate on you and there’s the one who is lost and can’t find his parents. Just keep this in mind.

I woke up at around 9 or 10AM, which is pathetic considering I used to get up t noon earliest before this trip, and decided to stay in bed awake until around 11. Once I get up, I’m rather hungry. So I go and pretty much devour what little I have left of the groceries I had. I now have about five crackers and a can of cooking spray. I had work at two, and I spend about an hour on the computer. I go to work.

It is as if every time I have a good day, a day of good thinking and introspection, the next day is doomed to be full of angst and woe. I spent the rest of the day thinking about how everything I’m finding here turns out to be a contradiction. I was starting to find that being alone makes you grow as a person. You can start handling your life the way you want to, especially for someone like me who has spent his entire life bending his life to the comfort and consideration of others. But I certainly miss human interaction though. Sure, I love the alone time and spending time with myself, but too much of it proves just how lonely I really am. It gets to a point where I feel like a sociopathic loner incapable of having successful human interaction. I used to skip meals thinking food was unimportant and I didn’t really have much of an appetite. Now I’m always stark, ravenously hungry. But being on my own also puts me in charge of my own financial situation. I’m broke. But, I’m the kind of person who likes to know that he has money so I have a very different definition of the word poor. So I’d like to eat my weight in the food here, but I’m holding back due to my monetary duties to myself. I can’t keep a solid period of happiness and until I do that I won’t be done here.

While at work, two small children interacted with me two very different ways. One boy, aiming for the trash can, but not having the arms to reach it, tried to throw away his hot chocolate. He misses and spills it on my sterling white pants. However, he is dressed as Woody (My favorite Disney character, I think, and the one I have dressed up as for Halloween all the time when I was a kid) so he was immediately forgiven. I gave him a Woody sticker and sent him on his merry way. The other kid approached me saying he had lost his parents. He’s no ordinary little boy; he’s a British little boy. I’m excited to say the least. I talk to him the entire way to find his parent’s, talking him down by conversing and joking about Disney films and talking about all the places he’s been, such as Disneyland Paris. We eventually found his parent’s and they were rather nonchalant about it, which was somewhat disappointing. But I went on with work after them, brooding over the negative thoughts of the day.

Then I realized, those two little boys epitomize my life. The boy who spilt on me…his name was Persistence and the small British boy’s name was Memory. Persistence is what my life is here, particularly today. Although life may spill hot chocolate on you sometimes, you have to forgive and forget and move on, taking into account the beauty of the situation. Memory, on the other hand, is the past. He reminds me of who I used to be, what I loved about myself, and who I can continue to be while I am changing. Memory is a lovely mirror of self-reflection. Persistence is a mirror of hopefulness of the future. So, to me, these are the two types of little boys that define my life as of now.

Work was rather boring, especially since I worked 2 to 11PM, and the negative energy wasn’t helping. The reason I worked so late was because there was a convention. In my section, of course, they were serving desserts. One that particularly caught my eye, and does so every time I see one, was the Mickey Mouse-shaped rice krispy treats covered in chocolate. I’ve wanted one for a long time, and there was a whole tray sitting there the whole night. I’m sure they don’t taste near as good as the rice krispy experiences I’ve shared at Kelsey’s house (a treat I eagerly anticipate when I arrive home, get cooking Mrs. C!), but they’re still appealing. But at the end of the night, I did end up getting some of the fruit (pineapple, melon, cantaloupe, and strawberry on a skewer). Also, I got these sweet balls. Some were chocolate with orange zest, and the other tasted like the leftover milk after eating cinnamon toast crunch. So my day got a little better right then and there. Once again, my mental well-being saved by a sweet dessert.