Well this is Happily Ever After...Hopefully.

Well its over. Here I am, four months from the first time I vented about my journey here with you all. I'm completely speechless.

I feel very detached from the idea of leaving. It doesn't compute, makes no sense at all. I find myself telling myself that it isn't happening; that I'll be back. In reality, its over. My heart sinks even mentioning the word over.

The only way I can describe the program was...rollercoaster, from start to finish. I can't believe some of the things that I've done and the choices I made. I had some of the grandest times of my life with some of the best people I have ever had the priviledge of knowing. It's them I'll never forget.

I just...don't even know what to say. I'm so far gone with everything. Hard to process. I know one thing. I will go home focused and more determined than ever to become the man I want to be. The other day, I had a mini "me day." I took myself to my favorite place on Disney property: The Animal Kingdom Lodge. There I decided to make a declaration of sorts, in writing. A Declaration of Self. The idea may seem laughable, the sole fact that I wrote the thing with a Mad Hatter Kooky pen adds to the rediculousness of it. But in it, I described in detail everything I knew about myself in that moment. Everything. From my obsession with chocolate, from dating and matters of the heart were in it including the things I found out about myself down here. The problem is, it's an ever growing list. I came down here expecting to completely change and become myself in four months. That was an incredibly stupid notion. I realize now that its a process, and a chronic one at that. It will never be over. I'll constantly evolve and devolp for the better. But having this concrete, guidemap of who I am now will, I think, prove beneficial to me in the future.

I can't wait to get home and begin my new life. I predict it will be a time much in the like of Liz's time in Bali in Eat Pray Love. The Love section. The introspection there, the search for God there, the comforts of human comapnionship there. However, I think I'll be studying myself more. I plan on learning to cook really well. I plan on trying to become fluent in Italian. I plan on mediate, pray, and reflect on my love for God. I plan on enjoying the company of friends without the added stress of the questionable future. Starting now, I live for now and I live in the present.

It's over. Making this post any longer prolongs an end. Saying goodbye to this is hard to do. But I need to put it away. Shelve the memories and the pages. I loved this experience. I love what it taught me. I'm not sure what life has in store for me, and I probably never will in this life because God is constantly surprising me. But I know that it will all be entirely ok. I know that I can make it through everything; that with God, Liam, Liz, a little bit of chocolate, and a bowl of Ramen, it's clear that God is in his Heaven and all is right with the world. Goodnight world, I'll see you tomorrow.

Little Boy Moments, and Big Boy Moments

A break from the darker side of life to give you a few anecdotes of guest interactions....

One of my more recent incidents included me giving my first magical spiel. This is when someone asks something normal and we give a magical response to why it is so....Its a basic: Staying in character and playing the part. So, once, after park close, an asian family approached me and asked where they could meet Mater and Lightning McQueen. They have been closed down for a couple hours now. I tell them that they can be found in the Streets of America section of the park, but they drove back to Radiator Springs for the night and would return tomorrow morning. Adorable, no?

Another one included a hostile encounter with a small child in the restroom. I turned the corner and he was standing there with a toy gun from Star Wars (it's Star Wars weekends here at the Studios...a time where the park basically turns into a giant Star Wars convention for every weekend of the month). As soon as I turned the corner, He points his gun at me. I put my hands up and drop the bag I was holding. I said "Hey, let's be smart about this...I just want to be friends." He replies "We can never be friends" and fires the gun. I die...he smiles.

Also, while in a restroom, I witnessed a huddle of sorts. A father rounded up his two small boys. He actually said the words "huddle up." When they approach him, front and center, he explains: "Listen up, Mom's not in a good mood right now. She's been walking all day and she doesn't feel very good. So I want nothing but awesome behavior from you guys. Ok?" They repeat, in perfect unison: "Got it" and slap five. It was so nice to see one family actually getting along in Disney World.

The stores have to be my absolute favorite place to people watch. People on vacation are truly hilarious. But this was a little off. Just in passing a Mother talking to a crying child in a stroller, I overheard her say "Lily, if you throw up you are going to be in big trouble, missy." As if her upchucking was a choice.

I was sprinkling the mirror with water to clean it. I would do this by putting a small amount of water on my glove and then flicking it onto the spots on the mirror. A man and his son were walking hand in hand and as they passed, the child exclaimed with the upmost sincerity "Daddy, look! He's got Magic!" Call me dumb, but I felt like a rockstar.

Other moments include playing Tic Tac Toe with water brooms with nuggets throughout the park, and letting them win, other than that one exceptionally skilled little girl who outwitted me in a split instant. And of course the fond memories of the lost little British boy, and the boy dressed as Woody in previous posts. These are small samplings of the people who visit Walt Disney World.

Catastrophe

I've embarked in an inconceivable, disasturous turn in my life. I made this decision only recently, but I its already starting to take a toll. I can see the signs. The spiral downward that's slowly occurring to me. But, I think I need it. I think I need to let my life spiral out of control a little bit to really come to a true conclusion about the true nature of my character. I know who I want to be, but I've never been anyone else. Honestly, I think I need to change something and drastically hit rock bottom before I can work up. I went about this entire journey somewhat only half way.

I started in between; a sort of halfway point. I totally bypassed the first half of the journey because I was under the false impression that I was already at the middle point. Mistaken. I need this revival, this lower level of being. I need to beneath me if I ever want to be above me. I need to be worse off before I can get better.

In doing this, I have discovered so much more about myself. So even though this choice brings immense heartbreak and pain, it actually does build character. It makes me more sure of the person I am and, more importantly, who want to be. Being someone so completely different, so completely foreign has taught me the opposite of my identity. But I have to see it through. It'll hurt like hell, but I'll come out stronger on the other side.

People

In the past few days I've had several new and magical experiences, mostly including Dining. The other day I dined with Disney royalty. All of the princesses, Dayna, Dayna's new boyfriend who is fantastic, Alexandra, and I ate in Norway at EPCOT for lunch. I had traditional Kjottkaker, a meatball dish made with capers, served with mashed potatoes and a delcious sweet and savory gravy. It was astounding, especially the part where we got a pre-buffet of fresh fruit, including one of my favorities, honeydew, and slices of lobster, salmon, and mahi mahi. And for dessert, a divine chocolate moussse cake that was utter bliss, and a cheese strawberry danish, and a rice pudding with fresh berries. We got pictures with all the princesses. They were all pretty great other than Ariel, who, sadly to say, was kind of a bimbo. Snow White was incrediblly sweet and wonderful. The rest of them kind of had a few seconds at the table, got a picture, and split. But all in all it was rather wonderful. The next one was with Katey and I. Katey is absolutely wonderful, and I enjoy her compnay ever so much. We have the most insightful and meaningful conversations about each other, about God, and about life. Which is good, considering we had to wait two hours for a table.

We decided a long time ago that just the two of us needed to go to dinner together, not as a date or anything like that but just for a routine spiritual bonding including sharing a meal together. We met up at Magic Kingdom and then decided where to go for dinner, because we knew, the place we were going to, Ohana, a hawaian-themed buffet where they serve you a bunch of wonderful food in limitless amounts, on request. Yeah, I'm kind of all about that. Anywhoser, I go with Katey. We talk, for a long time until our buzzer finally goes off.

From that point, a slew of delicious fiascos occurred. We were first served a kind of pineapple, coconut flavored bread which was really tasty. Then, a salad with a coconut dressing which I suprisingly enjoyed considering I loathe the nut of cocoa. Next was these spectacular dumplings filled with sausage and herbs and chicken wings of the scrumdidilyumptous variety. Next was the steak with Island herbs, and grilled on wood plank turkey and pork so tender and delcious it was hard to take. Dessert wasn't much better. It was a bread pudding a la mode with pineapple flavored banana fosters that was so too damn good! Also, we got to watch Wishes from the window wall. So magical!

We then went to catch the late night Fantasmic. We met up with an ex-coworker who now belongs to the Muppets. He is incredibly kind, and just a really good and decent guy. He really helps me identify that there are other decent men in this world besides myself, not to be conceited. It's just that I've met a lot of different types of people here involved in lots of different activities, to put it mildly. I feel a lot like people are starting to affect me, which is absolutely wonderful. Katey is among the people who have deeeply impacted my life. Also, Alexandra and Tess, my new roommate Cole, who is asbolutely wonderful, and even some of the people I barely talk to on a regular basis.

A Return

I'm back, and alive. And If I've learned anything in my abscence, it's that God is great, friends are good, and Chocolate is still divine. I took a a couple's month hiatus to actually go out and have a life, and that's exactly what I did. So many sleepovers, Glee nights, late-night conversations of life, reglion, and love, so much good food and the comfort of friends. I can't describe just how wonderfully God has blessed my life with some of the people that I've met down here.

For instance, on my birthday March 16th, people showered me with love. People back home sent me gifts I was ever so grateful for and people here did something special as well. They threw me a surprise birthday party with a cake that can't be called any less than epic. It was pure chocolate, laced with Kit Kats, Reese's Cups, and Swiss Rolls to make the character Wall-e! I absolutely loved it...HUGE SHOUTOUT to first friend and first wife Dayna Perez! My friends also got me gifts of chocolate, stuffed pandas (the ultimate mammal), and a sketching of Tiana. Its so funny how people who have known me for so little a time know me so very well. My family also rolled in. I had fun playing in all the park with them. It was stressful at times, but it was all good in the end.

I've lerned a lot about people, and human behavior in general. Fascinating the way men and women interact with each other. I spend like no time at home and I was constantly surrounded by people. Having such an active social life comes with it's dramas. I honestly feel like I'm in the real world. People hooking up, breaking up, fighting about it, drinking or smoking it all away, then talking behind people's backs about it all. I'm just wondering where are the cameras.

All in all, I've enjoyed my time away but its time to get back to business. Need to start blogging again, I need to round out this journey the same way I came into it with. Introspection, reflection, mediation, and prayer...always prayer. I find myself at a point where I need God more than ever. I need to refocus my life, while maintaing the simple pleasures this world has to offer me. Much like Liz in EAT PRAY LOVE, whom I will end my journey with as I will pick the book back up.

So Here we go...back into the abyss. Everybody with me? Ok....Caro Dio, la mia forza.

Friday Night

Jenn and I decided to wake up bright and early and go to the Animal Kingdom today. Alexandra decided to join too but she would come a little later. When Jenn and I got to the park, we started running around and going to all the rides. While climbing up the hill of Everest we were gearing all the people in our car up. The little boy even recognized us when he got off the ride. I like hanging out with Jenn because she inspires me to be overly energetic.

Alexandra met up with us, although she was very flustered because we kept telling her that we went on her favorite ride Dinosaur, without her several times. She was abit grumpy throughout the early part of the day until we diagnosed the problem: Alexandra had not had her coffee yet.

Once she did get her coffee she was perfectly fine. We then decide to go to Magic Kingdom. It was at this point I lost my Splash Mountain vriginity. It was beautiful. Jenn had to work so she went off. Alexandra and I headed back to her place. I had plans with Dayna and Alexandra was going to join us but she couldn' go to the movie because it was sold out.

The last time Dayna and I were at Citywalk we bought this meal deal thing where you get an imax movie and dinner on the walk for twenty or so bucks. We were going to go to Margarheritaville, but it was packed as always. So we hit up some other places and its a little late to wait a while for a table. So we head to Pat O'Brien's to eat because its the only place that will take us. We give them the meal deal ticket and that must mean to give second-rate service and odd looks at the table, because that's what happened. We both got Jambalaya and it was decent but not great.

As was the movie. We saw the new Alice in Wonderland by Tim Burton, a film I was most excited to see. Although stunning in Imax 3D, the film was slightly disappointing. It was by no means bad, but it certainly wasn't a revolutionarily well done as I expected from the trailers. This mostly had to do with, surprisingly enough, Johnny Depp's preformance. I mean...you're Johnny Depp, you've been given this amazingly crazy role and...that's what you do? Weird. Esepcially the scottish accent thing going on. Didn't dig it to say the least.

But it was all in good company. Dayna and I had a grand ol time.

Boring Fun Day

I woke up not much in tho mood to do much of anything, although it was my day off. I ate some ramen and tidbits of all the groceries I have at home and started a marathon of watching the Harry Potter films. I knocked two and a half down before I felt the need to go something. Alexandra invited me to Epcot to spend some time with her and Tess.

I meet up with them in Britian, and meet the new friend they made in one of the shops, Patriona. She's a charming young woman with sass. She vented her passionate feelings about her job to us and also conversed with us about the contrast in culture between America and the UK. For instance, while we find their accents absolutely charming, they find ours to be nothing special, and she's absolutely right. She says they think this because they hear it all the time. This is something that the Australian film student mentioned as well. The American culture is so heavily emphasized all over the world, that there's almost nthing unique about it. This is why I so desperately want to have my children be raised in another culture. So that they will be able to enjoy the simple American indulgences while belonging to a different way of life as well.

Alexandra was so amused by the accent that she implored Patriona to read a book to her. So we go to the British Literature book store around the corner and bring it back for Patriona to read to us. She reads to us Peter Rabbit by Mrs. Potter. Alexandra and Tess giggled the entire time reading it. Alexandra caught the whole reading on tape.

Later on, we meet up with Jenn Downtown. We decide to get dinner but it's very late and some places won't take us. The one that did was T-Rex. I wanted to get the same sandwhich I get everytime I'm there, but Jenn would not allow it. So I got a burger instead, not in the mood or anything extravagent. It was a lot of fun and then we left. Goodnight.